Some Collected Thoughts on Parenting from an Imperfect Parent

Some thoughts have been bouncing around my head, so I thought I might put them to paper (err.... screen?) in hopes they may help and encourage others. Below I share some parenting principles I've learned/seen/discovered, largely without comment. Take the ones that are helpful and use them! If you agree or disagree, leave a (courteous) comment below! [My views are my own and don't necessarily reflect those of the church as a whole.]

1. Children are a BLESSING not a burden. How you CHOOSE to see them changes everything. How are you fundamentally viewing your children?

2. DISTRACTED parenting is killing us. We tend to give our kids every material thing we can while often failing to give them what they really want/need--our attention. We're glued to screens and then blow up when they pull us away. It's ridiculous. Engage the souls in your home.

3. Parenting is the most important job on earth. No other task so directly impacts the future of other humans souls than the everyday, heart-shaping context in which they learn love, responsibility, commitment, faith, loyalty, obedience, and respect. Don't take it lightly.

4. Marriage matters. God's ideal is a husband and wife wholly committed in loving, self-giving relationship to be the safe fortress in which our precious children can grow, feel emotionally secure, and be spiritually grounded. Guard your marriage. Put your marriage FIRST. It is the center and foundation of the home. If your marriage crumbles everyone suffers especially the kids. Get married. Fight for your marriage.

5. There is NO REPLACEMENT for the home. You cannot give to the state or even the church the job that YOU--the parent--were given by God. Too many parents passively hand their kids to others not fully understanding all the influences their kids will be exposed to and then act surprised when the child has embraced ideas contrary to their values. YOU must act to determine what input your child receives. If you don't want Babylonian children, don't hand them over to Babylon.

6. You live with what you tolerate. You tolerate certain behaviors? Be prepared to live with them. Your children's demands control the household? That's not their fault. You let them do it. Take responsibility for your home. If you tolerate bad attitudes/habits/behaviors in your kids, you are consigning them to the darker future by refusing to shape them into better people. And the world won't overlook their faults like you do. Prepare them for the real world by shaping them into godly people.

7. You have the right as a parent to DEMAND OBEDIENCE. Yes, you do. God commands children to honor their parents. Therefore, if you teach your kids to obey God, you must teach them to honor you. It's not self-serving. It's RIGHT (Eph 6:1). Yes, consistent discipline is hard and exhausting. But it yields blessed rewards. Further, if you don't demand obedience from your kids, you are teaching them to disobey God since HE commands them to honor you.

8. Giving the world unfettered access to your child via a smartphone is insanity. Prove me wrong.

9. Pursue God passionately as a parent. You can tell them God is important. You can take them to church every Sunday, but if they don't see that YOU passionately love God, seek Him daily, and prioritize Him in YOUR life and decisions, it's highly unlikely they will. Just taking them to church without making your daily home a place of worship will do little to truly inculcate Christ. We know what a person truly values NOT by what they say, but how they themselves spend their time and money, what they get excited about, what they talk about without having to be asked. Nothing has shot more spiritual lives in the foot than hypocritical parents.

10. Your parenting isn't defined by WHAT you give your children but WHO. Too many parents live in a rat-race of feeling like a bad parent if you can't give your kids what some other kids have. That's NONSENSE. Your kids only needs 2 things--God and you. In fact, studies and experience show the MORE you give your kids, the LESS happy they are. Your kids don't need more stuff. They need a home infused with God, grace, joy, hope, love, discipline, forgiveness, accountability, fun, consistency, nurture, and admonition. All of these are FREE.

11. Have one more kid than you think you can handle. See #1 above. The world desperately needs a generation of godly, courageous, honest, sincere, trustworthy people. That doesn't happen by accident. We live in a dark world. That's all the MORE reason to kindle and send out MORE LIGHT. If you're uncertain what great contribution you can make in God's world, know this: raising up as many children who will go out for God's name to be salt and light is just about the greatest thing you can do.

What did I miss? Add your thoughts below.